Sweet Dreams Are Made of This
Saying this is a big topic doesn’t even begin to describe how we feel about it. When you have a baby, everyone wants to talk about sleep, and they often have their own opinion about the “right” way to do it—usually based on their own parenting experience.
Most of our family and friends were enthusiastic about sleep training, which made it all the more difficult for us to discuss the difficult nights, because we were not. We had done some research about sleep training, in particular the “cry-it-out” extinction method, and in the end, decided it wasn’t the right method for our family. The sometimes-long nights have allowed doubt to creep in from time to time, but we eventually found support in resources like The Beyond Sleep Training Project Facebook group and the Sweet Sleep book (a membership perk from La Leche League of San Francisco).
Sleep, like with many parenting challenges, is a long journey and it’s one we are still on, but we wanted to share some of our experiences so far.
We tried co-sleeping in our bed, but it was more disruptive for everyone involved, as our kid needs a lot of space and we were not yet comfortable with Tyler sleeping next to her. It certainly didn’t help that we sleep on a standard bed frame raised more than two feet off the ground, so we couldn’t put her on the end (are we the only ones made nervous by bed rails?).
We tried our LO in a crib converted to toddler bed at 8 months, but she just hates running into bars. This meant keeping her in a travel crib for a while (our Guava Lotus allowed for Lauren to lay on a futon mattress next to it and unzip the side whenever additional comfort or nursing was needed).
We then transitioned to a twin size mattress on the floor at 9 months and she has slept on a floor bed ever since. The frame arrived close to 11 months and we've since upgraded to a full size, but each transition was really so much easier than we thought it would be.
What is it that worked so well for us after all…
Part time bedsharing - Mom and baby can get more sleep when they can nurse without a lot of disruption. From the book, we learned that babies are “hardwired” to get comfort and nurturing from their mothers’ milk, and in turn nursing releases hormones that make mom comfortable and drowsy. Leaning into this symbiosis helped Lauren and Eleanor both get more sleep, especially in the late pre-toddler months.
With an infant, make sure to follow the Safe Sleep 7:
No smoking inside or outside the home
Sober parent
Nursing at the breast day & night
Healthy babe
Baby on their back
Lightly dressed without swaddling
Safe surface
Getting a floor bed - she doesn’t feel confined, but she still stays safe (we cushion the hardwood floor). Most of the time, we find that she wakes, sits on her bed briefly, then cries for Mama to come carry her out of the room or offer more milk. If Lauren is able to escape close to El’s morning wakeup time and makes sure to leave the door open a crack, the kiddo walks to our room and greet us when she wakes. It's lovely!
Just make sure that you:
Baby proof the entire room, so it doesn't matter if they get out of bed.
Get a full or queen size if you might nurse to sleep/bedshare. If you have hardwood flooring, add squishy rugs or mats next to the bed to avoid or lessen the occasional bump or bruise.
Only provide a few quiet toys and books for them to interact with if they wake before you or need a bit more time before sleep, so they don't get overstimulated and stay up longer.
Most importantly: give yourself grace and understanding.
She doesn’t sleep through the night (or always nap during the day). Sometimes she doesn’t go to bed when we’d like, or she wakes up in the middle of the night and stays up for an hour. And that’s ok. She gets enough sleep. We get enough sleep (most of the time). She doesn’t seem overly tired during the day (with few exceptions), and she walks and talks energetically.
From sleep cues to co-sleeping, we’re here learning alongside our kiddo as she figures out how to adapt to the ever-changing sleep needs and patterns characteristic of early childhood. Whether calm or choppy, we’ll ride these waters together.
👂: Seeing White from Scene On Radio
📺: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, airing on HBO
🧒: Show Me How To Be A Friend by J.A. Barnes
